We’ve all seen the threads on the WoW PvP forums, Arena Junkies and even Elitist Jerks. Cries for help, asking for any and all tips for improvement, practically begging for a drop of information from the various gods amongst men known as “professional gamers.” However, no matter how many streams you may watch or PvP videos you may watch (with and without lens flares), you’re still going to be absolutely terrible at this game.

Now, I know you’re looking at yourself and saying, “Mommy and Daddy told me if I put my mind to it, I could be anything I wanted to be!” Yeah, they were just trying to get you to stop weeping on their shoulder and be something a bit more than a janitor at your local fast food joint.

In the past year and a half, maybe even two, years of watching people play World of Warcraft professionally, I’ve learned quite a few things. I’ve learned not to take anything a face value, I’ve learned that betting your future on a video game is completely idiotic, but I’ve also gained some insight into the actual relevance of a players habits and abilities in regards to their success as a decent WoW player.

By far, the single biggest flaw that nearly every one of you “up and coming so close to being professional but not quite there yet” players have is the fact that you are absolutely terrible at multitasking. More so than any other game I’ve ever seen played at this level, WoW is about being able to keep track of a hundred different factors (both visible and invisible) and when you have the A.D.D diagnosis of some Orange County devil child, there is very little hope for you to become the next HappyMinti or Xom.

If you don’t believe me, go watch the wrap up of any tournament in the past twelve months or download and immerse yourself in a video from any one of the top WoW PvPers. Back in the day of WLD and RMP in pre-3.0 terms, when it wasn’t about who could mash Arcane Barrage harder, you actively had amazing players who were able to keep in mind every single aspect of a fight while on LAN. Players who know how long their opponents cooldowns had to go before coming back up, who could tell where their healer was drinking or behind what pillar their opponent was running, all the while still managing their own information and communications.

Sorry to all of you who were expecting WoW Arena to be completely like CS 1.6 and be based round reflexes and intuition, but this game is definitely more than that. Or should I say was, when in the context of the current state of Arenas. I don’t have any tips for you to get better; I’m not here to give you the secret to reaching a 2.2k rating on BG9. If there was a way to get better at multitasking, after reading this, you should tell me said way so I can make a million dollars creating the finest WoW Academy in the world.

Otherwise, get the fuck out of my arenas because you’re just slowing me down from my top rated spot.

3.08, Arena, WoW, WoW E-sports